July 02, 2011

Top Ten Ways Democrats Can Re-"Appropriate" July Fourth

10. Include a disclaimer on celebration notices warning that displays of patriotism might endanger children's welfare.

9. Have the EPA require that celebrations use only fireworks that are environmentally friendly and greenhouse gas neutral.

8. Include a ritual apology to Great Britain after all readings of the Declaration of Independence.

7. Have the National Endowment for the Arts fund naked interpretive dance troupes at July Fourth parades. Also, drum circles.

6. Burn slave-owning Founders in effigy.

5. Have the NLRB require that all parade volunteers be unionized.

4. Serve soy chai lattes at July Fourth parades.

3. A free bong hits booth at every parade.

2. Require that children have a permission slip to attend signed by . . . their school principal.

And the Number 1 way that Democrats could re-appropriate the Fourth of July is

1. Actually love their country and talk about it without always saying "I love America, but [issue probably having to do with their relationship with their fathers]."

(stolen frm Ace of Spades)

No comments: