January 21, 2013


My life is not being what I want it to be.  Although, I am not quite sure what I thought it would be, just not this.

Don't get me wrong, I have the greatest wife\best friend\soul mate ever.  My eldest son has a remarkable capacity to become and expert on interests he pursues. My Daughter is singularly amazing in her ability to accomplish goals both long term and short term.  Connor is both a joy and challenge who provides so much wonder in our lives.

Until last November I was in an amazingly happy place.  I had a job with huge potential, we were digging our way out of debt.  We had plans and goals for our house, home and community.  It turned out to be rather fragile.  In a confrontation not of my making I acted in a manner of which I am not proud. This single span of 90 seconds came with the cost of my life path.

I could wax philosophical as there are new opportunities and God has plans that are not seen by mortals.  Still, the loss and grief is substantial.  At times I just want to be someone else.

So we are not looking towards liquidation of our worldly possessions, moving to another place and time with a fresh start.  Not really where I thought I would be.

There was a funny bit from a movie in my youth, where the comic goes through the stages of grief.  Anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance.  You'll note that happiness isn't in that grouping.

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