Not so Top Chef .vs.Very Sarcastic Chef

NOT SO TOP CHEF VS. VERY SARCASTIC CHEF click for original.

My wife was perusing the recipe website epicurious.com first thing in the morning (who doesn’t?) when she came across the user reviews for gourmet Grilled Cheese and Fried Egg Sandwiches and found this gem. Despite altering the recipe completely one unhappy chef-critic saw fit to give it the dreaded “one fork” rating:

I made this twice, hoping it would be better the second time. I don’t have easy access to pancetta; which may be the problem. The first time the only thing I substituted was Canadian bacon for the pancetta. The sandwiches were extremely bland. The next day, I used applewood smoked bacon, substituted cheddar for the provolone and substituted spinach for the basil. Also poached the eggs instead of frying them..you need to fry them as the poached eggs make a big mess. Anyway, it was better; but still nothing to rave about. I think these are too much work for the outcome. I’m sorry Bon Appetit and fellow reviewers…I’ve never given a recipe one fork before.

Prompting another frustrated chef to whip up a delightfully acerbic response:

What an awful recipe. I substituted some leftover Tofurky for the pancetta. I don’t use butter, so I swapped that out for some Nutella that’s been sitting in the cupboard for about a year. My wife doesn’t like eggs so I used eggplant (same thing basically, right?) and I hate cheese so I opted for some Miracle Whip. The basil or arugula would have been a nice touch, but I’m too lazy to run out to the store so I used some dill pickle chips I had in the fridge. Put it all together in some taco shells (didn’t have any bread, either) and, man, it was disgusting. How do they come up with these recipes, anyway?

I love this person. Easy access to sarcastic misanthropes is what makes the Internet awesome.

Epicurious Grilled Cheese and Fried Egg Sandwiches Recipe Reviews

Republicans Kind of Suck … Which Is Why They Will Win Huge in November

Republicans Kind of Suck … Which Is Why They Will Win Huge in November (Original link)

Because in the Democratic land of epic, mega, ultra, apocalyptic levels of sucking, those who kinda suck are king.

October 20, 2010 - by Frank J. Fleming

This election season has been hard on pundits. The Democrats are going to get massacred in November, and it’s really obvious to pretty much everyone exactly why — which makes writing political commentary like trying to come up with a long-winded explanation for why two plus two equals four.

Here’s my attempt.

Doesn’t it suck when you have a dog that barks all night? Everyone hates that. It’s annoying. It can even drive you pretty crazy if it goes on long enough. People hate that.

Know what also sucks? A zombie apocalypse. That’s when society collapses due to some spreading zombie virus, and most of your friends and family are dead, and you have to scrounge for food to survive while the walking dead threaten you around every corner. People also hate that.

So, we’re all agreed that a barking dog and a zombie apocalypse both suck. Everyone following so far?

Now let’s look at what led us to the political situation we’re in. During the second term of the Bush presidency people just got fed up with Republicans. They were idiots, they were no good at the whole fiscal conservatism thing (which is sort of the whole point of them), we had these wars that seemed to be going nowhere, and the economy was beginning to fail. They sucked, and people were sick and tired of them.

Thus people turned to the Democrats. And Obama.

Let’s just say they also sucked.

AMERICANS: “So, the economy is pretty bad and there’s high employment. You think you can do something about that?”

DEMOCRATS AND OBAMA: “We can spend a trillion dollars we don’t have on pork and stuff.”

AMERICANS: “No … that’s not what we want. We’d really like you not to do that.”

DEMOCRATS: “You’re stupid. We’re doing it anyway.”

AMERICANS: “That’s not going to help us get jobs!”

DEMOCRATS: “Sure it will; millions of them … though they may be invisible. You’ll have to trust us they exist. And guess what else we’ll do: We’ll create a giant new government program to take over health care.”

AMERICANS: “That has nothing to do with jobs!”

DEMOCRATS: “We don’t care about that anymore. We really want a giant new health care program. We’re sure you’ll love it.”

AMERICANS: “Don’t pass that bill. You hear me? Absolutely do not pass that bill.”

DEMOCRATS: “Believe me; you’ll love it. It has … well, I don’t know what exactly is in the bill, but we’re sure it’s great.”

AMERICANS: “Listen to me: DO. NOT. PASS. THAT. BILL.”

DEMOCRATS: “You’re not the boss of me! We’re doing it anyway!”

AMERICANS: “Look what you did! Now the economy is way worse, we’re even deeper in debt, and we have a bunch of new laws we don’t want!”

DEMOCRATS: “You’re racist.”

AMERICANS: “Wha … How is that racist?”

DEMOCRATS: “Now you’re getting violent! Stop being violent and racist, you ignorant hillbillies! And remember to vote Democrat in November.”

So the Democrats sucked. But not just plain old, usual politician sucked, but epic levels of suck where it’s hard to find an analogue in human history that conveys the same level of suckitude. It was sheer incompetence plus arrogance — and those things do not complement each other well. We’re talking sucking that distorts time and space like a black hole.

It’s Godzilla-smashing-through-a-city level of suck — but a really patronizing Godzilla who says you’re just too stupid and hateful to see all the buildings he’s saved or created as he smashes everything apart. Or, to use Obama’s favorite analogy, you have a car stuck in ditch, so you call the mechanic, but the only tool he brings with him is a sledgehammer. And then he smashes your car to pieces and charges you $100,000 for his service. Finally, he calls you racist for complaining. Obama and the Democrats have been so awful, it’s hard for the human brain to even comprehend.

But the Democrats will counter that the Republicans also suck. And while this is true, it’s not really going to help them. As I pointed out before, both a dog incessantly barking and a zombie apocalypse are things that everyone would agree suck. Yet no one during a zombie apocalypse, while hiding out in a boarded up mall, would turn to the other survivors and say, “We don’t want to kill all the zombies; then we’d have to go back to being woken up at night by that annoying dog next door.” But this is the best argument the Democrats can come up with. “Remember how awful the Republicans and Bush were? You hated them. You don’t want to go back to that.” Yes, why would people want to go back to when 6% unemployment was considered high?

People do remember how much the Republicans suck, and they know where it tops out … and that is nowhere near as bad as the Democrats are today. Like with the barking dog, it’s annoying, but you know it’s not going to cause the collapse of civilization as we know it. Not so with the zombie apocalypse; who knows how bad that could get if left to continue? Same with the Democrats and Obama; people have never dealt with anything this horrible their entire lives, and they aren’t that curious to see how much worse it can be.

So the Republicans kinda suck, and that’s why they’re going to win huge this November. Because in the land of epic, mega, ultra, apocalyptic levels of sucking, those who kinda suck are king. Or at least are going to win in a landslide.

Because once the zombie apocalypse is over, the annoying neighbor dog is going to be music to your ears.

For a little while, at least.

Something to make you laugh.

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boyo, I'm in deep doo doo." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

My Hovercraft is full of eels.

Here is the sight in question.

I am a Python fan (Monty, not the reptile). So when Steve V. utilized this phrase in Facebook the other day I was prompted to search out the sketch. Lo and behold someone created a website with numerous translations of the above phrase!

A story about the deep south.

UK MEP Daniel was in the deep south and was asked why the GOP, having dominated late twentieth century politics, was faring so badly.

His reply:

The party’s most serious mistake had been its retreat from localism. The Republicans started winning in the 1960s when they embraced states’ rights and the devolution of power. They started losing forty years later when they abandoned these principles. The audience growled its approval and so, perhaps incautiously, I began to list the areas where Bush administration had foolishly extended central power, ranging from the rise in federal spending to the attempt to strike down state laws legalising same-sex unions. When I mentioned same-sex unions, a growl passed through the room, and I winced inwardly: this, I thought, was perhaps not the wisest example to have offered a Republican committee in the Deep South.

Sure enough, after I had finished, a man with a beard and a red baseball cap sauntered up to me.

“Son,” he said, “Ah ’preciate you comin’, an’ Ah ’greed with most of wut you said. But Ah must disagree with your position on so-called homosexual marriage.”

He paused to hitch his jeans up his great belly, looking into the middle distance.

“Far as Ah kin see, not bein’ under any pressure to git married is one of the main advantages Ah enjoy as a gay man.”

Truly, I thought, America is an extraordinary country. Every time you think you’ve got it sussed, it surprises you. It is the sheer diversity of the US that makes anti-Americanism so perverse.

You Just Might Be Canadian If...

You bring a portable TV on a camping trip so that you don't miss Hockey Night.

You can repeat the entire Molson's Canadian 'The Rant'.

You hum David Foster's '88 Calgary Olympics theme in the shower.

You know that the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) don't always look like that.

You think it's normal to have a grain elevator in your backyard.

You can sing "O' Canada" in French and actually know what the words mean.

You send angry letters to the CBC demanding the return of the Hinterland Who's Who spots so you can finally find out what happens to the arctic ptarmigan in winter.

You stood in line for hours for Another Roadside Attraction tickets.

You think Great Big Sea isn't Atlantic-centric enough.

You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize" and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.

You still haven't taken down your "NON" posters from the 95 Referendum.

You know more than 3 guys named Gordon.

You think Ashley MacIssac isn't Celtic enough.

You remember "Jodie" from Today's Special and wonder why you keep seeing her reading news on the CBC.

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You think -10 C is mild weather.

You have twins named Donovan and Bailey.

You know the ingredients for poutine.

You know what happens in the Evergreen Forest when Bert Raccoon wakes up.

You dressed as Bruno Gerussi for Halloween. You spent hours sifting through garbage on the beach to prepare for the role.

You know that the 'Extra Creamy' in Kraft Extra Creamy Dinner is 'add more milk.'

You know the difference between real snow and "television" snow -- the white stuff that passes for snow on tv and in films.

Someone accidentally stepped on your foot. You apologize.

You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize.

You pity people who haven't tasted a "beavertail".

Your Saturday nights in the Atlantic provinces include eating beans and brown bread as you watch Hockey Night in Canada.

You know that the Canadian Alliance is just the Reform Party with better hair.

You know that, contrary to general belief, the Inuit have about the same amount of words for snow as do English speakers. Your favourite Inuit word for 'snow' is "navcaq" (snow formation about to collapse).

You wonder why squirrels and seagulls somehow manage to get in every zoo exhibit (including the parking lot and squirrel and seagull exhibits).

You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.

You only know three spices: Salt, pepper and ketchup.

You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.

You drive on a highway, not a freeway.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

You brag to Americans: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion & more, are Canadians.

You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You know that the last letter of the English alphabet is always pronounced "Zed".

You live in a house with no front step, but the door is one meter up from the ground.

Your local newspaper covers the national news on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.

You know that the four seasons means: winter, still winter, almost winter, and road work/construction.

You know that when it's -10 degrees outside, it's a warm day.

You perk up when you hear the theme song from "Hockey Night in Canada."

You are in grade 12, not the 12th grade.

"Eh?" is a very important part of your vocabulary, and is more polite than, "Huh?"

You call it a BUN not a "Roll".

Its called a WASHROOM not a lavatory or powder room or rest room.

You have more kilometers on your snow blower than your car.

You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.

You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.

You owe more money on your snowmobile than on your car.

At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles a meat processing plant.

The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.

Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.

You head south to go to your cottage.

You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.

You know which leaves make for good toilet paper.

The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.

You find -40C a little chilly.

The trunk of your car doubles as a freezer.

You attend a formal in your best clothes, your finest jeweler and your Sorrels.

You can play road hockey on skates.

A Short History of Medicine

"Doctor, I have an earache."

2000 B.C. -- "Here, eat this root."

1000 A.D. -- "That root is heathen; say this prayer."

1850 A.D. -- "That prayer is superstition; drink this potion."

1940 A.D. -- "That potion is snake oil; swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. -- "That pill is ineffective; take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. -- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Thanks to Marc Shea

Footprints *with twist*

The Yard

Grass Grows fast in Oregon. Getting dry enough weather to cut is problematic. Having to unclog wet grass every 10 feet is annoying. Next is having to bag the first couple of cuts of the season. Mulching mowers are a godsend. However, they only work if you do not have tall tall grass.

Our mower is a self propelled Toro with an electric starter. Really it has a Briggs Stratton engine, which is the more important. Trevor is our lawn cutter. He has done a better job each proceeding year.

We got three mows in this season. Each time the grass grew insanely after. I hope this last one will allow us to go into more of a weekly mow then not.

tandem story

note: I received this as an e-mail. Author is unknown to me.

A Creative Writing professor told his class one day: "Today we
will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or
her desk.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:


THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that
he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.

(second paragraph by Bill )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before
he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped
its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in
her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

( Bill )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the
Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no
one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Bill )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of
Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort
of F--KING TEA??? Oh no,
what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've
read too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A$$h@le

( Bill )

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

( Bill )

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.


(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.

Shocking proof of global warming!

Give it a couple min to load. It is a changing picture. oooh!

Look at the sea level rising over the last 130 years in La Jolla! Convinced yet?

Athlete, am I?

Sometimes my mental definition does not seem to match a reality. Recently on Shoe's blog he announced that he had been an Athlete in High School. I recall thinking it would have been cool to have done that.

This totally disregards my two years on the swim team. Also, the countless hours playing little league baseball, skating, fencing and playing roller hockey. So what exactly is\was my definition? The more I thought about it the more I found I did not have a real definition, I just knew that it was not me.

Connor with special Olympics he is a recognized athlete. I recently ran a 10K. wouldn't that qualify?

So running down the definition: a person who is trained or skilled in exercises, sports, or games requiring physical strength, agility, or stamina.

Well I was trained in baseball, water polo and roller hockey. Those are sports. I have not done any of these activities in six years or so... Roller skating in and of itself is not a sport, although there are sports that require skating, it is not a game. Running is a sport and an activity.

I can easily say I am athletic... is that the same thing?

Bumper Sticker

LIbEraliSm

Autism and World of Warcraft

Autism and World of Warcraft. Meet Merve he is Eight years old and has Aspergers. This is of great interest. Both of my boys having Autism, Trevor on the Aspergers side of the scale.

W0W.com ran a feature on him which explains much better then I would in writing.

As parents we let our children play MMORPG's back when we were running around Asherons Call. Our kids would watch and hear the tales, naturally they wanted to give it a try. Both of them learned how to touch type and got to have their own adventures. We monitored them quite carefully and used every opportunity to teach them safe interaction skills.

"So where are do you live?" was answered with "Hebian-To in Dereth of course"

"How old are you?" was "level 26 now, should be 27 in a little bit"

Eventually we moved on to a superhero genre game City of Heroes. Connor was old enough to want to play. So we would let him explore the virtual city. Sometimes with surprising results. Once we found him leading a super team in a 'dangerous' warehouse raid, despite them warning him to "slow down" and asking "what are you doing?" he was surprisingly successful.

The group had a laugh to find a five year old Autistic boy was their erstwhile leader. Now it is a standing reward system for our boys, depending upon work done or activity earned. Connor still loves exploring and his ability to get a weaker character to the middle of a very dangerous zone baffles the mind.

The linked blog and write up is a great example of how autism can work.

The editorial offices of Hell’s Bible

Sean Delonas Washington Post.

Fire up the Quattro!

Indulge me in this one. On the left is a political ad from the UK. Pictured is David Cameron.

The only possible way you would get the reference is if you watched the TV show Ashes to Ashes. We saw it on BBC America.

The show is about a modern day detective whom has been shot and is on the verge of Death. Somehow she is in the late 1970's trying to figure out what is going on and why. She is partnered with a very Alpha male detective named Gene Hunt, which is the character being portrayed in the above Ad.

People living in the UK could not escape this show or this character. Back in the late 1970's a fatigued Labour government (Liberal) has left Britain dishonored and diminished, its treasury empty and its credit exhausted. Having spent years engorging the public sector, it now finds its obese, wheezing child turning on it in a spoiled rage. Strike follows strike. The Prime Minister, who took over mid-term without a mandate, is kicking himself for having missed an earlier opportunity to call a general election.

This should sound familier, and it is what is happening now in the UK.

Back in the early 80's the Conservatives stepped in. The strikes stopped. The economy revived. Having lagged behind for a generation, Britain outgrew every European country in the 1980s except Spain (which was bouncing back from an even lower place). As revenues flowed in, taxes were cut and debt was repaid.

One can hope that the UK has a Conservative movement that sweeps the globe!

The Good News is:

Cern did not create a black hole and destroy the Earth!

Bad news is our Government is closer to creating a fiscal black hole and destroying America....

Discovery of a Reid-Pelosi Boson (or the Obama Particle), could prove that the US dollar has a negative value...

What are people saying about Obama?

Harris poll is saying that people think Obama...

* Is a socialist (14%)

* Wants to take away Americans’ right to own guns (17%)

* Is a Muslim (15%)

* Wants to turn over the sovereignty of the United States to a one world government (12%).

* Has done many things that are unconstitutional (9%).

* Resents America’s heritage (12%)

* Does what Wall Street and the bankers tell him to do (15%)

* Was not born in the United States and so is not eligible to be president (8%)

* Is the “domestic enemy that the U.S. Constitution speaks of” (8%)

* Is a racist (7%)

* Want to use an economic collapse or terrorist attack as an excuse to take dictatorial powers (8%)

* Is doing many of the things that Hitler did (6%).

* May be the Anti-Christ (6%).

* Wants the terrorists to win (5%).

Oh when I said People, I mean Democrats! Full story linked here.

Why exactly?

Someone recently commented on Facebook that they hated poor people. The assertion is this person is fiscally well off and should be demonized. Why exactly?

Hate itself is a problem: 1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy : loathing.

Hatred is irrational most of the time, so I can see questioning the rational behind the above loathing. How different is I hate poor people from I hate people?

Do I have intense hostility for the tall person sitting in front of me at the theater? Maybe it is just a pet peeve of mine. Not sure.

If you hate something, surely you want less of that something around. Juxtapose Loveing something you would want more. So if you hate poor people you would want less poor people around. I would venture to guess many poor people would like to move up and out of that tax bracket. If not, state lotteries would not do nearly so well.

If you love poor people you would want more and more of them. Hmmm, maybe this explains the liberal mindset?

World of Wifecraft (some language)

Anyone who knows Leroy Jenkins will appreciate the ending.