tandem story

note: I received this as an e-mail. Author is unknown to me.

A Creative Writing professor told his class one day: "Today we
will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting next to his or
her desk.

As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph
of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send
another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then
add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending
another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to
keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of
the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail.
The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:


THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that
he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her
mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought
about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
out of the question.

(second paragraph by Bill )

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think
about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie
with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could
sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a
hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him
flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before
he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped
its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress
Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in
her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored
her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had
passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no
television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

( Bill )

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched
the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dimwitted wimpy peaceniks
who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the
Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours
after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no
one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President,
in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off
the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which
vaporized even poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

( Bill )

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of
Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort
of F--KING TEA??? Oh no,
what am I to do? I'm such an air headed bimbo. I guess I've
read too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

A$$h@le

( Bill )

B*tch!

(Rebecca)

F*** YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

( Bill )

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.


(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.