July 17, 2007

Global Warming now world's most boring topic: report

Spoofed news story

* 89 per cent wanted to know how it was possible for humans to control the climate, given that they have enough trouble forecasting it.

* 96 per cent believe those who use the term "climate change denial" are attempting to equate it with "Holocaust denial"

* 100 per cent of these respondents also believe such people should receive lengthy prison terms for crimes against the English language

* 79 per cent of the bands that took part in the Live Earth event did so because they feared the planet would be destroyed by global warming before they had a chance to receive free worldwide television exposure

* 87 per cent only tuned in to watch the lead singer from Sneaky Sound System, who is hot

* 92 per cent of those same people watched her on mute because they didn't want to hear that song again

Of all the issues raised in the survey, most common was whether the global warming debate was all just an elaborate ruse designed to sell stuff.

The study highlighted how those who subscribe to the prophecy of global warming automatically commit themselves to purchasing a vast array of expensive products, whereas sceptics don't have to buy anything to support their point of view.

Over 98 per cent of people surveyed also predicted that the standard response from global warming proponents to that last statement would be: "yeah, it won't cost anything - except the future of your planet".

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